Who am I going to hate on now?

The dream is over for Lloyd. Que the violins. And 'best bits' montage.
Best bits though? Really? I'd say best of a bad lot.

In all fairness whenever a contestant leaves I manage to feel a certain amount of sadness (not including Kandy Rain). Credit where credit is due, he was very dignified on hearing the news of his departure and took it well. Lloyd you have shown me up to be a right cow.

Back to business though. FINALLY HES GONE. There was a considerable amount of tension for a moment there though; Lloyd and Olly standing on the dimly lit stage awaiting the moment Dermot would read out one or other of their names.
Upon hearing his same, Olly decided is would be appropraite to show an indecent display of happiness resulting in an awkward moment for all concerned (and all watching) and Lloyd feeling as crap as a badgers arse.

Also on Sunday nights results show:
Alicia Keys performed. She graced our eyes and ears with not one but three of her tracks. I felt truly blessed. However, I did feel she should desist from talking to us tour-style and get on with some singing. She also appeared to have fashioned her red PVC catsuit out of Jedward's 'Oops I did it again' suits.

Rihanna also performed her new single 'Russian Roulette' with a haircut that can only be described as 'a Rachel Adedeji' (sorry Rihanna).

Semi-final next week and am I right in thinking Lady GaGa is performing? Or is that the Final?
Whenever, you are in store for some irritable ranting about the try-hard that is Lady GaGa.

Commentary Blog. Live Show 8.

Its Elton John/Take-That week and on first inspection this appeared to be a week for potential decent, if not, fabulous performances. It is now 6:26 on Saturday evening and I am comtemplating tonight's events. The song choices leave much to be desired. Danyl's does anyway. He is singing 'Your Song' by Elton John, a predictable ballad that I'm sure he will sing standing/wandering in an effort to appear-less-cocky. So tonight we are faced with hip-wiggling (fine by me), 'fanks' (bored now), drawn out notes, warbling (Joe) (I know he's good but whatever) and poor singing quality whilst winking at Cheryl. Holy Crap.

8:00. Titles.

Dermot enters the stage but not before giving the audience his signature/annoying salute. He gets himself slightly tongue-tied when introducing the judges. How embarrassing. Is it time for Jedward to take over yet?

Danyl begins the show with what we have all been waiting for; he is going to bust some moves. This, indeed, makes my beginning paragraph seem silly (I apologise for my ignorance). Surely this choice of song did not need so much speculation as to whether he would be a competent enough dancer? He is a dance teacher, a DANCE TEACHER.
And boy does he get his groove on. I feel there is a distinct danger that Louis will be so overcome with excitement he will invade the stage and jump on Danyl. The performance was as 'camp as Christmas', as Cheryl describes it, and fabulous till the very end.

 
Enter Lloyd. If anyone needs a wee or even just to scream into a pillow, now is the time to do it. He is singing a ballad, presumably one that uses no more than three notes, because that's all you need really isn't it Cheryl?
I feel it necessary to close my eyes for the next three minutes and travel to the far-off distant place that is JedLand. (Ahh, much better).
Judges' comments. Louis feels it is necessary to make a snide comment that can in no way be described as constructive. Congratulations, Louis you have just won the battle for 'Most Pointless Human'.
I feel sorry for Lloyd, it's not his fault he can't sing.

 
Olly 'crotch thrusting' Murs is up. (Where has all the crotch thrusting gone anyway?). He sings a ballad and begins the performance sitting on the edge of the stage singing to a girl in the audience. She has her hand on his leg. GET YOUR MITS OFF HIM MISSY. What with Olly singing to her, Simon calling her 'cute', and Dermot commenting on her smile, that random girl in the audience has had more air time than Rachel Adedeji.

Geordie Joe. I like him, especially his accent, but I'm finding it slightly dull. Also, in my humble opinion, I wouldn't buy the kind of music he would make. However he again came out and gave an excellent performance, note perfect, all the judges gushed.

Stacey Solomon, the one for whom my opinions get me the most grief. I think it is important to point out that she went out of tune a few times in that performance as not one of the judges felt it necessary to do so. She seems like a lovely, genuine girl, and if that is what this programme is about then fine, she can win it. However, I have a feeling that it is about talent, and Stacey doesn't quite make the cut. GO ON SHOOT ME.

Voting lines are open. (Anyone now voting for Lloyd should not be allowed to own a phone).

Oh no. I forgot we had to endure Lloyd twice.
This time he's in morning dress, and is holding some kind of pimp stick. Again, the range is limited and still he manages to be out of tune for a substantial amount of time.

Its Danyl and he's back to what he does best. He performs 'Your Song' and I take back what I said at the beginning. Brilliant choice for him, bravo. They even managed to get three 'Jesus Lights' in there for good measure.

Olly. It is a boxing themed performance. Half-naked women keep walking back and forward across the stage holding signs reading 'Round 1' and so on. Finding it slightly surreal.

Joe, wow. That was top-notch I must admit. And not boring so I take my hat off to him.

Oh man, what am I going to be forced to say about Stacey now. She's singing 'Something About The Way You Look Tonight', and doing a rather good job. I still don't think performing is her strong point, but she has a very good voice. That and her personality will carry her through to the final.

 
So there you have it. Dermot will tell us he will see us tomorrow and it will all be over until then.
Roll Credits.

JedWatch

There have been two more incredible interviews with the legend that is John and Edward.

First up we have a Holy Moly interrogation.



And lastly, on friday night Jedward appeared on The Late Late Toy Show. They were their usual lively selves and bounced around the set doing flips and walking on their hands- as you do. But there was one magical moment when John decided it would be a good idea to do the splits in tight silver trousers. As you can imagine, this decision backfired immediately with the cry of 'Oh shit! Er, I ripped my pants.' OH HOW WE LAUGHED.
Watch below, what a bloody corker.
(Pant ripping incident at 1:39)

Winners single. I am displeased.

Information has been leaked regarding the winners single. Apparently this year, the winner of the X Factor will be releasing Journey's 'Don't stop believing'. A song that Joe previously sung on Rock Week. Good choice? I'm not so sure. You would have thought this choice of song must be geared to Joe's victory. However last year the same thoughts were aroused when the winners single was chosen as 'Hallelujah' that Diana Vickers had previously sung in the competition. Alas, this did not aid her in the slightest as she was booted out of the competition in the semi-final.
Simon's second choice of song is apparently Miley Cyrus' 'The Climb'. Against my better judgement I must conclude that this would be a better choice. But only due to the necessary cheesey nature of the song which is so apt for an X Factor christmas number 1.

JedWatch

If you are ever feeling a little low, just slap this on and it'll cheer you right up.
I don't want to enjoy it but I LITERALLY CANNOT AVERT MY EYES.

JedWatch

This week on JedWatch:


To kick off Jedward week, the boys were on GMTV early on monday morning. They were evidently excited about this and exclaimed 'were on GMTV guys!' (I wonder how many times Jedward have said the word 'guys' in their lifetime- probably even more times than I have watched their rendition of 'Oops I did it again'). They were also thrilled by the 'long couch' (bless 'em). I enjoyed Kates retort: 'It is a long couch'. Funny, if slightly patronising.

Watch the full interview below.



Next up was the turn of This Morning, with Phillip Schofield and X Factor's very own Holly Willoughby.
This is a must watch. Absolutely hilarious. Genius I tell you.
Their genuine shock and excitement at the wonder of seeing Holly both the night before and that morning. Their persistent shout-outs to 'the people that helped and supported' them. John's slip up when he accidently let slip that he wanted Stacey to win.
When asked what they are going to do in the future their reply was 'Well right now were doing This Morning', only John and Edward would state such an obvious fact. Another hilarious moment only to happen to John and Edward was when Johns microphone fell out of his pocket with an almighty crash.
All classic Jedward moments.
Watch below.




The twins have also appeared on Live From Studio Five but I have yet to find a video. As soon as I do it will be up here because that interview is also not one to be missed! What a corker.

In loving memory of John and Edward

Occasionally there comes a time when the whole country stops; the death of an important figure, a natural disaster, the election of the Prime Minister. Sunday 22nd of November saw another of those times, a day we will never forget. The night John and Edward went crashing out of the X Factor.

Sunday night saw John and Edward Grimes sharing the bottom two with previous favourite, Olly Murs. This was a disastrous situation for a die hard Jedward fan/want-er of Olly's babies like me. No matter what the result of the sing-off was, I would be left reeling with grief.
The twins kicked off the result with a rendition of Boyzones' 'No Matter What'. Admittedly the majority of the performance was out of tune, but then we expected nothing less. I feel a spectacularly bad ballad was the perfect, and most endearing way, to round off those adorable brother's journey through our hearts.



Olly Murs gave a good performance of 'Wonderful Tonight' by Eric Clapton and each of the judges (bar Jedward's mentor, Louis Walsh) voted to save him. Simon Cowell said he would miss the twins, and sounded genuinly sad. Cheryl blew them kisses. Dannii however took slightly longer over her decision, making an obvious point to Simon by asking the question 'Is this a singing contest that we are judging', presumably related to the fact that Cowell aided the defeat of both Rachel Adedeji and Lucie Jones by weaker vocalists Lloyd Daniels and John and Edward. She seemed to conclude that it was, in fact, a singing competition and sent John and Edward out of the competition.

                                     

I understand the reason the twins left the competition and I am not deluded enough to believe they should have stayed. However I, along with a huge mass of Jedward followers, feel genuinly devestated that John and Edward Grimes have left the competition. Never again will we see them bouncing around on a saturday night wearing lurid matching suits custom made by the primary school around the corner. Never again will we witness a dance routine involving blow-up Jedward heads, ghosts that look like they have been dropped straight out of an 80's Doctor Who episode and women in a bikini/tu-tu combo straddling the boys- the latter of which could only be described as perverse.

It is a great loss you must agree.
If however, you do not agree, and are one of the disgustingly behaved, idiotic creatures in the audience who relentlessly boo the poor twins then you should be ashamed of yourself. Even as John and Edward were given the news that they were leaving the competition members of the audience continued to taunt and boo. It shows how dignified and mature the brother's are, as they continued to smile and told Olly he 'deserved to go through'.  JOHN AND EDWARD I SALUTE YOU.

Hopefully we will see alot more of Jedward in the future. I will keep you up to date with my stalking results.
I will now be taking a week out for mourning.