Sunday 29 November 2009

Commentary Blog. Live Show 8.

Its Elton John/Take-That week and on first inspection this appeared to be a week for potential decent, if not, fabulous performances. It is now 6:26 on Saturday evening and I am comtemplating tonight's events. The song choices leave much to be desired. Danyl's does anyway. He is singing 'Your Song' by Elton John, a predictable ballad that I'm sure he will sing standing/wandering in an effort to appear-less-cocky. So tonight we are faced with hip-wiggling (fine by me), 'fanks' (bored now), drawn out notes, warbling (Joe) (I know he's good but whatever) and poor singing quality whilst winking at Cheryl. Holy Crap.

8:00. Titles.

Dermot enters the stage but not before giving the audience his signature/annoying salute. He gets himself slightly tongue-tied when introducing the judges. How embarrassing. Is it time for Jedward to take over yet?




Danyl begins the show with what we have all been waiting for; he is going to bust some moves. This, indeed, makes my beginning paragraph seem silly (I apologise for my ignorance). Surely this choice of song did not need so much speculation as to whether he would be a competent enough dancer? He is a dance teacher, a DANCE TEACHER.
And boy does he get his groove on. I feel there is a distinct danger that Louis will be so overcome with excitement he will invade the stage and jump on Danyl. The performance was as 'camp as Christmas', as Cheryl describes it, and fabulous till the very end.


 
Enter Lloyd. If anyone needs a wee or even just to scream into a pillow, now is the time to do it. He is singing a ballad, presumably one that uses no more than three notes, because that's all you need really isn't it Cheryl?
I feel it necessary to close my eyes for the next three minutes and travel to the far-off distant place that is JedLand. (Ahh, much better).
Judges' comments. Louis feels it is necessary to make a snide comment that can in no way be described as constructive. Congratulations, Louis you have just won the battle for 'Most Pointless Human'.
I feel sorry for Lloyd, it's not his fault he can't sing.


 
Olly 'crotch thrusting' Murs is up. (Where has all the crotch thrusting gone anyway?). He sings a ballad and begins the performance sitting on the edge of the stage singing to a girl in the audience. She has her hand on his leg. GET YOUR MITS OFF HIM MISSY. What with Olly singing to her, Simon calling her 'cute', and Dermot commenting on her smile, that random girl in the audience has had more air time than Rachel Adedeji.




Geordie Joe. I like him, especially his accent, but I'm finding it slightly dull. Also, in my humble opinion, I wouldn't buy the kind of music he would make. However he again came out and gave an excellent performance, note perfect, all the judges gushed.




Stacey Solomon, the one for whom my opinions get me the most grief. I think it is important to point out that she went out of tune a few times in that performance as not one of the judges felt it necessary to do so. She seems like a lovely, genuine girl, and if that is what this programme is about then fine, she can win it. However, I have a feeling that it is about talent, and Stacey doesn't quite make the cut. GO ON SHOOT ME.




Voting lines are open. (Anyone now voting for Lloyd should not be allowed to own a phone).

Oh no. I forgot we had to endure Lloyd twice.
This time he's in morning dress, and is holding some kind of pimp stick. Again, the range is limited and still he manages to be out of tune for a substantial amount of time.




Its Danyl and he's back to what he does best. He performs 'Your Song' and I take back what I said at the beginning. Brilliant choice for him, bravo. They even managed to get three 'Jesus Lights' in there for good measure.




Olly. It is a boxing themed performance. Half-naked women keep walking back and forward across the stage holding signs reading 'Round 1' and so on. Finding it slightly surreal.




Joe, wow. That was top-notch I must admit. And not boring so I take my hat off to him.




Oh man, what am I going to be forced to say about Stacey now. She's singing 'Something About The Way You Look Tonight', and doing a rather good job. I still don't think performing is her strong point, but she has a very good voice. That and her personality will carry her through to the final.


 
So there you have it. Dermot will tell us he will see us tomorrow and it will all be over until then.
Roll Credits.

No comments:

Post a Comment